Someone once told me not to do personal posts on my blog...just to keep it light and sexy and fashion and dark...well i just can't...i mean this is a public forum for a REASON...and sometimes you have to vent...even if its just to the electronic masses staring at their own flickering blue screens in their own apartments....and because maybe...just maybe...even one person understands....
Ive really been feeling the need to find someone lately...to connect on a romantic level...i had many friends and my life is filled with so much love and i want for nothing in THAT way....but true love eludes me...always has...Ive had boyfriends in the past but really only a couple....literally.....I have a hard time finding someone to truly connect with.....
In the past i had always been all about Princes and white horses sweeping me off my feet...now I'm not downplaying things buit i am a realist as much as i like fantasy...I want someone to laugh wityh and cry with...to be lazy with and go to the flea market with...to talk to about nothing and to read with in silence...someone who knows i hate peppers and olives but i have a weakness for iccream....that i like to be silly and LOVE trash TV but i also love darkness and the balance it brings...that i love to talk but i also love my silent times....see nothing about looks or anything...thats all too simple...i mean there needs to be attraction but i refuse to bog myself down with such specific aesthetic choices!!! "Bear"..."twins"....no thank you...I like to fall in love with the person...
and theres been some romantic leanings lately....peaks of interest...but sometimes as bold as i am i am paralyzed by fear when it comes to romance......but its nice to find someone who seems to get you...who is interested...someone who may even reciprocate....that would indeed be nice....makes me smile just thinking about it...but even here its hard for me to reveal things fully....and then u feel the doubt and all the questions and you don't act the same and you worry and become withdrawn or you try to hard or not at all and maybe you scare them off but its exciting and it feels amazing but the unknown...it will lose you sleep.....but its worth it somehow isn't it?!?!?!?
SO Quentin Crisp once said that the gay mans dream of a perfect man a 'GDM" {Great Dark MAn} is impossible because what the gay {femme} man wants is a butch [straihght} man and all a straight man wants is women and will never really love a man even if he has sex with him...well...id like to think times have changed and as much as i ADORE Mr Crisp...I hope he's wrong...no...i KNOW he's wrong...
So here are some love songs...for me ...for you....for "YOU"...and for everyone out there who's in love or searching for it like me.....maybe one day we will have the courage to reach out to each other.....maybe one day we will all get what we desire.....until then...
XOXO
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